


The Worst Killing F*ck Ever!

by TottPaula



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman - The Killing Joke, Batman: The Killing Joke (2016), Batman: The Killing Joke (Comics), DC Animated Universe, DC Extended Universe, DCU
Genre: AU, Anal Sex, Bad Puns, Batgirl is a bit of a slut, Batman Gave Her Crabs, Batman is a Man-Whore, Body Hair, Cock Slut, Crack, Cursing each other out, F/M, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Incest Shaming, Itchy Pubes, Lemon, Manscaping, Misogyny, Mutual Hate/Attraction, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rough Oral Sex, Sarcasm, Sexist Language, Shaving, Sidewalk Pizza, Slut Shaming, The Killing Joke, The Killing Joke Movie, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 14:30:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15798465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TottPaula/pseuds/TottPaula
Summary: OK, we all know how disastrous the first part of The Killing Joke Movie was, completely misogynistic and sexist and all that.Well, what if the writers made it even worse?Here's my take on the two intoxicated writers in the DC castle ...





	The Worst Killing F*ck Ever!

We all know that the movie scene between Batgirl and Batman was done up horribly in the movie version of The Killing Joke.

But it really scratched an itch for me! 

They always adored each other, but Batman usually wouldn't dare cross that line, except that his worry about Batgirl getting hurt by Paris France got in the way of his better judgment and pissed off Batgirl's ass.

I know this came out a few years ago, but if you're going to do a terrible movie, make it really, _really_ bad.

That way we know it's fiction and totally AU.

Or not!

I can only try my best to imagine what was going through the writers' juvenile heads.

It might have gone something like this:

 

* * *

 

 

**Somewhere in the vaulted towers of DC Incorporated, writers Bruce Timm and Brian Azzarello are having a meeting.**

 

They're talking about making The Killing Joke more expansive and lengthy enough for a substantive film.

They're going to need to really add to it and expand it incredibly, because honestly, the entire graphic novel is over in what, about a half an hour of reading?

 

 

 **Bruce Timm** : So, Brian, Warner's given us the green light to do a Killing Joke movie, but we need to add at least thirty minutes or more of content, what the fuck are we going to squeeze it out of, Batman's ass?

 **Brian Azzarello** : L.O.L., no, out of Batgirl's pussy! Haw, haw, haw! 

 **Bruce** : Hey, buddy, that's an excellent idea. We're gonna cripple the bitch anyway, we may as well let her go out with a real **bang** , get it? Have Batman bang the bitch, then let The Joker have his turn. That's some inspirational genius, buddy! Holy shit, the fanboys will drool, and if there are any fangirls, fuck 'em all. Chicks don't read comics anyway.

 **Brian** : Ha, we are the greatest fucking writers in the entire fucking world. Whoop, high five there, good buddy! And since the goddamn feminists are accusing us of misogyny, let's make it even more misogynistic. They'll be swooning and weeping! Holy shit! Any publicity is great publicity, I always say!

 **Bruce** : We'll imagine some truly insane shit for the entire first half of the movie; something to make the fanboys jizz their pants, and screw the fucking weeping chicks, let 'em go screw themselves!

 **Brian** : They won't bother to give a flying shit about the second half after watching this shit!

 **Bruce** : We're both fucking astonishing, aren't we?

 **Brian** : Fuck, yeah!

 

They both leap into the air giving each other chest-bumps and high-five slaps.

Then they cavort throughout the office like a couple of drunken lunatics at a frat party.

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

**Late one evening in Gotham City, soaring above the streets is a lone female figure in tight spandex...**

 

It's a Thursday night and the air is feeling crisp and clean.

Unfortunately, there's a moist fog between the woman's legs, and her outfit is so tight you can count the hairs on her twat.

She needs a hedge trimming quite badly, she's sweltering from her cunt like a young nerdy boy with his first issue of Playboy magazine busily masturbating in the toilet.

As she soars through the night air on her Bat-Rope, she realizes that she has to scratch that fucking itch _immediately!_

 _"Fuck!! Feels like I've caught goddamned lice from him... again!!"_ she mumbles to herself.

 

The grunge and grime of Gotham resembled her panties that she should have swapped out before patrol, or the shower that she could have taken.

The spandex of her tight uniform irritated her twat as much as the filthy conditions of Gotham grated at her soul.

_Damn, that really prickled!_

She drew one hand from her rope and scratched that itch, but good.

_Ah, some relief, finally!_

 She grimaced as she looked down at the ruthless town full of revolting perverts, who were presumably tackling many multiply-infected tramps at this very instant.

Unfortunately, she ignored learning rope-swinging 101, always look where you're going.

Her sole became hooked on the roof edge, and she toppled on her ass, about to drop approximately 49 levels vertically down.

 

 **“HOLY gonorrhea-syphilitic JUNKIE FETUSES”** she cried as she dropped head first towards the squalid ejaculate and urine encrusted sidewalks of Gotham, quicker than diarrhea into a gas-station can after a gut-full of belly bombers from White Castle.

Batman seized her by her hot, dank cunt, barely capturing a grip on her slippery pubes. “Y'er fucking pussy again! Godammit, Batgirl, that's the fourth time this week already, you ignorant bitch. Shave that shit already before you become fucking street pizza.”

Batman gripped her muggy pubes tightly and flipped her ass-first onto a rooftop two entire blocks away.

That man's got muscle!

 

 _“Hey, don't sexually assault me while saving my life, you fucking testosterone factory in a gray skintight leotard! Fucking misogynistic dick! Ouch!”_ She rubbed her sore ass and scratched her fur pie again.

 

Batman stared at her, wondering how many months ago she'd showered or even shaved.

Her pubes were piercing her uniform's very fabric.

She looked like his favorite nasty streetwalker from down the block.

 

He was glad that he had already manscaped his chest, his gonads, and his back that morning, it made his Bat-suit glide easily over his mighty muscular build. He took out a pocket mirror to posture and admire his powerful physique once again.

_Damn, he looked good!_

 

“You need a shave, Batgirl. Your fur muff is showing through your suit like a tampon that slipped out of your pussy.”

He rummaged in his belt and took out a Bic Shaver.

“Here, trim that monstrosity! It's bigger and denser than Poison Ivy's oversized bushes, for fuck's sake! _You Lazy Bitch!”_

 

“Hey, I already told you to never call me a bitch in public, it's disempowering as all fuck. **Screw you, Bruce!”**

 

She furiously pulled down her pants and gave herself a fast dry shave without a single nick to her twat.

 

The roof was littered with enough frizzy pubic hair to make a new carpet for Alfred.

 

She used her hands to wipe the loose hairs off her cunt and felt much better as the cool crisp air chilled her itchy twat.

 

She pushed her thick red hair out of her face and flipped off Batman as he stared at her bearded clam which was now as bald as a baby's pussy.

 

“Listen, Barbara, your disgustingly furry cunt almost got you killed again, keep that bush under control and shave against the grain just like I showed you in the Batcave. How does that shit grow back so fast anyway? Didn't I just give you a good close shave just last week?”

 

“You didn't have to grab me by my cunt hairs, you fucking pig, or I wouldn't have fallen on my fucking ass!  And that _close shave_ as you called it gave me crabs, you filthy brute.”

 

A methadone addict on the roof woke up to hear the two superheroes arguing.

 

“Whoa, Bruce and Barbara, like Bruce Wayne and Barbara Gordon?  Holy shit!”

 

“Fuck you, Bruce, now this fucking drug addict knows both of our secret identities!”

 

She grabbed the boy by his crusty crotch and hurled him off the roof into the alley below.

 

“Dammit! The lengths I have to go to to keep my secret identity! Now I had to kill that fucking meth addict, who one day might have made contributions to society! ”

 

“You evil bitch, Barbara, you just killed that boy for no good purpose!”

 

“Fuck him, do you think I was serious? He's never gonna do much more than give the landlord of this tenement a reason to finally hose down the pissed-on sidewalks. Screw you, Bruce!”

 

She watched his limp body smash into thousands of gory pieces on the street down below them.

 

Satisfied, she turned to Batman with a big shit-eating smirk.

 

“Come on Batgirl, we need to finish patrolling this god-forsaken city, not that they deserve us at all.”

 

“Yeah, fuck those assholes! Should I bother pulling up my tights, or are you gonna just stare at my pussy all night?”

 

“You throwing that guy off the roof made me as hard as a fucking rock! I never realized what a powerful and empowered female fighter you were before now. Kiss me now!”

 

“ _I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!_   You slut-shame me, and then make me shave my feminist cunt just so you can have a smoother ride. **Fuck you, Bruce!** ”

 

She was righteously angry at the anti-feminist god of a man, but then she noticed a huge lump in his tights.

 

He was really aroused looking at her naked twat, and she started experiencing something besides a moist sensation in her muff.

 

She was dripping with desire, as he grew and grew larger like a foam-compressed dinosaur in a cup of warm water.

 

“Come here, you fucking piece of shit-eating trash, and satisfy me!” she demanded.

 

“Take that sausage out of its casing, and fuck me like your mother!”

 

“Don't talk about my dead mother, cunt face! _I miss her tight pussy, don't make me cry!"_  he sobbed.

 

She grabbed him by his scrotum hairs and pulled his telephone pole out of his pants.

 

Her eyes grew as large as his purple mushroom tip.

 

Holy shit, that was one spicy sausage!

 

“Damn, Bruce, compared to my last boyfriend, he's just got a baby cock compared to that lovely huge thick pepperoni standing in your pants! I'm oozing from both ends, come here and fuck my brains out!” Barbara insisted.

 

“How is it that you're unnaturally handsome, as strong as Iron Man, you knock fiends out with one punch, you're as rich as King Midas, the most exceptional damn detective in the world with the world's highest IQ, and you're blessed with a twelve inch cock that'll make any male pornstar jealous?” she sighed, happily.

 

Barbara was wondering what she would do with all the extra cock he had in his pants. NO WAY would that all fit down her throat!

She was gonna need to scale that thing like a fucking cliff!

 

“I'll fuck you, but you'd better thoroughly eat it first!” He grabbed her by her cowl and shoved his full foot of man-muscle down her throat, until he reached her acidic stomach, over and over. It tingled on his mushroom tip so nicely!

He allowed her to take in some air when she turned intensely blue, and then fucked her throat again and again as she choked and struggled to breathe.

 

“Take it carefully, Batgirl. Hold in your breath as I taught you. **_Good girl, now deep throat that shit!_ ”**

 

Ah! He was such a tenderhearted, merciful, and thoughtful mentor and sex partner!

 

“Oh, yes woman, your drool is making my dick glide up and down your throat like a well-waxed surfboard in the water. Ungh, yeah, eat me good, slut!”

 

When he pulled out his schlong, which took several long moments to accomplish, Batgirl toppled onto her ass, drained, wheezing as though she'd just come out of a smoke-filled building.

 

“Holy shit, that was astounding, you beast! My throat and stomach aren't untouched any longer!”

 

“Yep, damn right, **because I'm the fucking Batman, that's why!”**

 

“Now open up your limbs and let me fuck your belly from the other end! I'm not finished yet, a man's got to come, you know, or _something terrible happens_. I'm not sure what that is though, because I always come, **Because I'm Batman! No woman ever denies me!** Even Superman opens his legs for me! Now open up wide woman, **you're getting fucked by The Batman.”**

 

“Okay, okay, asshole, I know, I know, _you're the fucking Batman._ Here, put that into my baby chamber and screw me like a light bulb, buster! Screw me! _ **Because I'm the fucking Batgirl, bitch!”**_

 

First, she thumped him in the head, then she kicked him hard in his balls, making him cry and whimper like a little girl.

 

“Why do you keep hitting me, you evil Bitch?” he sobbed.

 

"Because I forgot the lube, idiot. I need the moisture from your tears to lubricate your schlong. Here, now put this on your baby maker so I don't get fucking knocked up by you again!”

She tossed him a patented Bat-Condom©.

 

He gave her a dirty look because he'd fucked Wonder Woman last night, and she never demanded condoms. Then again, maybe she can't get pregnant because she's made of clay and magic, or some shit like that. He then fucked that bitch like a champ.  **Because he's The Batman, goddammit!**

 

She held him down and scaled that shit like it was fucking Mount Olympus, and tried to squeeze an entire foot of sausage into her tight snatch an inch at a time. It would take a long time, at this rate, so she clutched onto his Bat-Utility Belt and forced his lengthy, thick sausage deep inside of her like swallowing a frankfurter at a Coney Island hot-dog eating competition. Fucking shit, he was huge!

 

Her pussy was gagging on it, but she kept fucking that thing until her cunt finally relented enough to be able to fuck him like the slut that she was.

 

“That's better, Bat-Boy,” she said, patting his head like a dog as she fucked his brains out.

 

After a good half-hour of cowgirl style performance, Batgirl came enough to hold her for the moment.

 

She was polite enough to let Bruce have a fast orgasm onto her breasts and then she made him tongue-wash her clean just because he gave her boobs a good tit-fucking.

Ahh, that was so much better!

 

Then Batman, who was always a man-whore, flipped her upside down and invaded her backdoor!

Damn, she hadn't felt that full since she had matzo balls with the Goldbergs last month, and then she couldn't shit for a whole week!

 

After the first few strokes, though, it started feeling remarkably good.

 

“Oh, God, I'm cumming!” She whimpered, shaking.

 

“Of course you are, Bat-Slut. Because  **I'm The Batman**!" he smirked.

 

"Do you always have to fucking announce that _you're the goddamned Batman?_ Jesus! You'd think you'd just been crowned the fucking King of  Gotham!"

 

She then squealed powerfully enough as she climaxed to awaken the alcoholics sleeping in the alley down below, who began shouting cat-calls to quiet the boisterous bastards the hell up.

 

After Batman came again he yanked out all twelve inches from her stretched-out asshole and spanked it clean on the rooftop, flinging crap everywhere.

 

“ _Damn_ , Bruce, that's better than a laxative! I'll be cleaned out for days, you absolutely can give me a good ass-fucking, you marvelous fuck-faced man-whore!”

 

Batman had already composed his junk **because he's Batman!**

 

Barbara still had her torn pants down around her ankle-boots.

Bruce then ripped off her panties.

“Why the hell did you do that? We already fucked!”

“I keep them in the Bat-cave as souvenirs. I have them in order of largest pussy to the smallest.” He smirked at her.

Stupid Bastard!

Batgirl just shook her head in wonder.

He was a great fuck, it was true, but he was also a real asshole.

 

 

\--End


End file.
